10 Things I’ve Learned From 10 Years of Marriage

Posted: September 7, 2012 in Fatherhood, opinion
Tags: , , , , , ,

1) I need to say “I’m sorry” more often.

She needs to know I love her. She needs to know that I know that I hurt her and don’t want to do that/say that again. She needs to know I respect her. She needs to know I’m humbled by my mistakes.

2) Romance is strategic, intentional and essential.

We did this to win her heart in the beginning. It was good and right then, so why wouldn’t it be good and right still?

Buy this book and read it. Wish I would’ve had this nine years ago.

3) “Communicate or Die.” 

This is an old Marine Corps saying about how communication wins battles by collaboration — identifying problems and obstacles, then discussing solutions and successfully executing workable, realistic tactics to get the job done.

Men don’t really do a good job at talking or communicating, which are two different things. We need to be aware of how our manly silence can effect our wives and how our lack of listening is disrespectful and demeaning.

4) Marriage is a sanctification process.

The more I love and serve my wife the more I see my own selfishness and sin. This recognition can drive us to the foot of the cross or drive us crazy. Men can be too stubborn or proud to change but with God all things are possible.

The goal of marriage is not happiness but holiness.

Through our marriage we live out the image of sacrifice and love that God showed for us by sending His Son to die on the cross for our sins. Good men give their lives up. Bad men destroy people, cultures and countries.

5) Parenting together is incredibly rewarding.

Look at this picture… ‘nuff said.

6) Only God can fulfill her utmost desires.

As much as I’d like her to dote over me and think I’m the greatest, I don’t deserve that.

I’m a man. I do stupid stuff. I’m sinful before a perfect, holy God and she needs to find her purpose, true love and identity in Him alone. She just borrows my last name here on earth.

7) You marry into a family.

In-laws, siblings and extended family become a part of your life.

Those relationships are important to your wife. Support her in those. Stay out of family squabbles. And, as the Bible says, “as much as it is up to you, live at peace with everyone.”

Oh yeah, set a good first impression because that can be hard to shake.

8) Every little decision impacts another person.

Taking the last swig of milk can be the next morning’s breakfast crisis. This one gets me nearly every single day. A trivial decision can cause a ripple effect in someone’s day.

9) “The best thing about money is that it gives you options.”

This is a quote from John Maxwell. Frivolous spending, spontaneous purchases and living beyond your means can set you and your family up for hard times in the future. I’m trying to set my family up for future success and become debt free (except for the house).

10) Leading a family is harder than I thought.

That’s the purpose of this blog–to equip you to successfully lead (minister to) your family.

“Leaders are readers and readers are leaders,” a mentor said to me. I know reading is boring, hard and tiring. It takes away from your NFL, fishing, blah, blah, blah. Men of action get the job done.Men of excuses are lazy victims of life.

Below are some great resources to get you started.

Additional Resources

  1. sula1968 says:

    Much truth. Great post

  2. Sheryl says:

    great post! Jesus shines through! Many Blessings to you and your wonderful family!

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